One
of the scary things about parenting is that
it's a temporary job. Our active parenting days
are numbered and we need to count them. How
many parenting days do you still have? If your
youngest child is five years old, you can assume
he will be leaving the nest at around age eighteen,
so that gives you thirteen years or 156 months
or 4,745 days. Since we all know how fast the
days zip by, before you know it, your job as
resident parent will be over. That knowledge
should motivate all of us to take a regular
parenting check-up.
How
are you doing as a parent? Often we concentrate
on our children's behavior and not on our own.
Why not look at your behavior from your child's
perspective? In a survey of 100,000 children,
children were asked what they wanted most in
their parents. Check out the top ten answers
and evaluate how you are doing in each area.
| 1) |
Children
want parents who don't argue in front
of them.
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| |
Children
tend to do what they see their parents doing,
not necessarily what their parents say.
How do you handle differences? Can you disagree
and share your negative feelings without
attacking the other person or defending
yourself? If so, your children will learn
how to process anger and resolve conflict
in positive ways. |
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| 2)
|
Children
want parents who treat each family member
the same.
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| |
Treating
your children the same does not mean treating
them equally. Each child is unique, but
each needs the same love and understanding.
Evaluate your relationship with each child. |
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| 3)
|
Parents
who are honest.
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| |
The
parent who says, "Tell the telemarketer
(who is on the phone) I'm not here,"
may not realize what he is modeling to his
child. Do you say what you mean and mean
what you say? |
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| 4)
|
Parents
who are tolerant of others.
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| |
When
parents are tolerant of others, children
learn to be patient with those who are different
from them. In what ways have you modeled
tolerance to your children? |
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| 5)
|
Parents
who welcome their friends to the home.
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| |
If
the gang is ganging up at your house, then
you will know where your own children are!
Cultivate an open-home policy and get to
know their friends. |
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|
| 6)
|
Parents
who build a team spirit with their children.
|
| |
As
children move into the adolescent years,
parents who cultivate a team spirit will
have a greater influence on their children.
How can you foster a team spirit in your
family? |
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| 7) |
Parents
who answer their questions.
|
| |
Have
you been guilty of saying, "I'm busy
right now. Let's talk about this later.
" Then later never happens. Take time
today to answer your children's questions
and when you don't know the answer, admit
it and offer to help find the answer. |
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| 8)
|
Parents
who discipline them when needed, but not
in front of others, especially their friends.
|
| |
Amazingly,
children really do want limits, but don't
count on them volunteering that information!
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| 9)
|
Parents
who concentrate on good points instead
of weak ones.
|
| |
Look
at your child as an incomplete jigsaw puzzle
and concentrate on the beautiful developing
picture instead of the missing pieces. Make
a list of your child's strengths and look
for appropriate times to point them out.
|
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| 10)
|
Parents
who are consistent.
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| |
We
were not always consistent but we consistently
strove to be. Be encouraged. The occasional
inconsistency will not ruin your children.
But your children need to know that your
love and limits are consistent. With boundaries
comes security. Is there an area in which
you need to work on being more consistent?
How do you rate? |
We
hope you picked up some tips that will keep
you from being a behavior problem to your children.
And that from time to time you will take a parenting
check up and wisely number your days.
